A Bittersweet First Day of Spring

Yesterday marked the first day of Spring. It was a chilly (by San Diego standards) 60 degree day. It rained on and off most of the day, at times pouring. The weather fit my mood pretty well. March 21st was my Grandmother's birthday. She would have been 79 years old. Up until 2 years ago she was the picture of health. It never crossed my mind that I wouldn't have her around for the majority of my adult years. Then we got news that changed all of that. My Grandma had a stage four brain tumor. There was nothing that medicine or surgery could do to cure it. We had 7 more months with her, as the tumor progressively got worse. There were times when she was just like her old self and others when she was really confused. It affected her short term memory the most. She had to be reminded often what was happening to her and why she couldn't go home. She lived in a nursing home with around the clock care, and my Aunt took her home to her house nearby on the weekends. She had been an independent woman living by herself for almost 15 years since my Grandpa passed away. So this was really hard for her - she was a stubborn lady!

I visited from North Carolina as much as I could and called often. Sometimes the conversations were just like ones we'd had before she got sick. She'd tell me everything was going to be okay. Our whole family spent one last Thanksgiving together in Georgia. I'll never forget all of us playing Trivial Pursuit, and Grandma beating us all! Right before Christmas my brother and I went to see her before heading home to Virginia. At that point she was unresponsive and slipped in and out of being lucid. We held her hand and said our goodbyes as we knew the time was near. Even though she couldn't talk I felt she knew it was us there. She passed away December 30th, 2009. Even though it's been more than a year I still get the urge to pick up the phone and tell her good news. Like when I got the job in San Diego and decided to move here last summer. When I did my internship out here in the summer of 2007, my Grandma drove here with me. We called ourselves Thelma and Louise :) We had an amazing week long cross country trip seeing all the sights along the way. I'll always treasure those memories and the time we had together. I know that she'll always be with me.

~Irma D. Burger - March 21, 1932 - December 30, 2009 ~

As if yesterday wasn't a hard enough day for my family, it was the anniversary of my Grandpa's death. (From the other side of the family, my mom's Dad) I was only 13 when he passed, so I didn't have the strong relationship with him as I did both my Grandmas. But I still miss him all the same. He was a very accomplished Colonel in the United States Army serving 28 years and earning a Silver and Bronze Star. He had a traditional military funeral at Arlington National Cemetary with a 21 gun salute.

~Colonel Charles H. Curtis, 1923 - 1997~

Sorry for the somber post. Losing loved ones is never easy and no matter how much time has passed that void still remains. I heard this song awhile back that rings so true.

Save a Place for Me by Matthew West

Don’t be mad if I cry
It just hurts so bad sometimes
‘Cause everyday it’s sinking in
And I have to say goodbye all over again

You know I bet it feels good to have the weight of this world
Off your shoulders now
I’m dreaming of the day
When I’m finally there with you

Save a place for me
Save a place for me
I’ll be there soon
I’ll be there soon
Save a place for me
Save some grace for me
I’ll be there soon
I’ll be there soon

I have asked the question why
But I guess the answer’s for another time
So instead I’ll pray
With every tear
And be thankful for the time I had you here

And I wanna live my life
Just like you did
Make the most of my time
Just like you did
And I wanna make my home up in the sky
Just like you did
Oh, but until I get there
Until I get there